Parenting: Breathe
I'm sitting in a small and intimate nail salon, contemplating my nail color choice, and overhear a woman talking to her husband and child's father on her phone. She told him that she would be a little longer getting home to their child because she decided to get a pedicure in addition to the manicure she was already having done. The conversation got a bit intense and the woman was clearly frustrated by the time she ended the call. She put her phone away, scanned the room and openly said to the five women who she assumed had overheard her conversation, "now how is he going to properly care for our daughter when he's upset about me taking care of my body? I need to take care of myself so I can take better care of her!". I sat with that for a bit. It was true, especially in her case. She shared that she was a stay-at-home mom and while understanding that her husband wanted to relax after a long week of working out of the house, she did too - and she chose to do it at the salon. She enjoyed it so much that she extended it. We all continued chatting, sharing stories, laughing and enjoying our moment of serenity together. Still, I couldn't help but think about the woman's statement and how her self-care choice impacted her husband, and quite possibly, their daughter.
The term "self-care" has many definitions and approaches but ultimately lands on how we take care of ourselves - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - to maintain or improve health, perform work duties more effectively and efficiently, properly take care of others, and get through the day with less stress and worry. The world today is in greater need of self-care as a result of the pandemic that shook us up in 2020, and even more so because it still is. Isolation, quarantine, and social distancing have impacted our minds, bodies and souls immensely, and self-care is one of the best ways to repair ourselves. Activities such as meditation, exercise, reading, journalling, vacations, and trips to the salon are great ways to take care of your whole self. There are so many other benefits to self-care, but for the sake of this article, the focus is on taking care of others...specifically, children.
If you are reading this, I'm going to assume you know what child care entails but in case you do not, let me put it in the most simplest term - unending. Children are the uncut jewels of this nation and need lots of time, energy and care on a daily basis. Like a precious gem, once you smooth down the edges or learn how to be gentle, you start to realize how beautiful it is, and even appreciate the edges. This takes patience. Lots of patience, and if you are wound up [aka stressed] in one or more ways, you might lose sight of the task at hand - keeping the child safe. That is the ultimate goal, and for those of you who can compartmentalize your feelings and fully love, protect and care for a little one [or more], you rock!! But be sure to take the time you need to care for yourself. You deserve it!
Since I have no idea how things ended up at home for the woman's husband and daughter, let's use our imagination to entertain two scenarios. At this point, the phone conversation has ended and dad has two options: 1. Continue to be upset and let it impact how he cares for his daughter, or; 2. Breathe and take a moment to sort through his feelings so he can give 100% of himself to his child.
SCENARIO 1: "Unbelievable!" - Dad throws his phone on the couch just as his daughter walks up and asks him to "...build a tower together". Because he is upset, he declines and tells his daughter to go play by herself for a while. She attempts to beg him and he points to the scattered blocks on the floor and, in his firm "dad" voice, tells her to "Go!". Confused and with tears in her eyes, the little girl slowly walks to the carpet and sits next to the blocks. Dad feels terrible and joins her on the carpet but she is reluctant to play because of his initial response.
SCENARIO 2: "She Deserves It." - Dad places his phone on the table, takes a moment to understand his wife's need and draws in a deep breath. He looks at his daughter, who looks back and they share a smile. She begins stacking blocks, and dad joins her on the floor. They build, knock down, laugh and enjoy each other's company for the rest of the afternoon.
In both scenarios, dad responded to his daughter, but clearly not in the same way. While this is an imagined response, I hope you get the gist. No matter who you are dealing with or caring for, if you allow your past negative experiences or perspective to get in the way, it will have a negative impact on the person, or people, you are interacting with. When it comes to young children, that impact may be long-lasting so be mindful of that and breathe, if nothing else.
If you are looking for more ways to improve your overall health and well-being, please be sure to check out The Whole Self for strategies, resources, and a FREE downloadable e-book: The 5 Self-Care Pillars.
